Oh, that's a relief. Also, explains rap.

"It's not racist if it rhymes!"

"Oh yeah, get in there, you dirty bitch"

Henceforth, he shall be known only as He Who Verbally Abuses Grilled Cheese.


In his defense, the grilled cheese was really asking for it.

Portrait of the Artist Exactly 74 Seconds After Her Fever Breaks

Sorry for the cut-off at the bottom. Just trust me when I tell you it says "WUMP" which is the sound of falling down after making poor choices.

Baptism by Tide cleanses them of their earthly ties

Intimacy

"Take your finger out of my nose!"

"I just want to be inside you."

I am a sexy beast

I take my sister's job very seriously.

"I'm going to a conference today about death and the process of dying."

"That sounds like a blast. Bring Fun Dip and eat it out of an urn."

Food Network Shibbolect

If ever you should want to blend* into the Food Network and be accepted as their leader, there are certain patterns of speech that will help you.

- Try to avoid normal verbs. You assert kitchen dominance by flaunting your largesse when you say "give it a whisk" instead of "whisk it." You are a generous kitchen god.

-OR-

- If you wish to inspire your followers, add "up" to any verb. "Whisk it up" adds entertainment value to any dish! No better way to rally your culinary troops than to be peppy about whisking.

For maximum Food Networking, combine these and "give it a whisk up." 

This is the shibboleth by which you will gain entry to the lofty ranks of the Food Network.



*Correctly rendered as "give it a blend" or "blend it up"

Hmmm...

I never realized how gross we were until I realized it was a terrible idea to put most of our hilarious moments on a blog with our names on.

Balls.

Goldfish. I live with a goldfish.

You know four posts ago, and about twenty minutes? When Max said, "I think I know what the first post will be!"? 

He doesn't remember that.

He claims, by the way, that he forgot because he was so upset about Nelson Mandela.

In memoriam

Q: What's black and slides down Nelson's column?

A: Winnie Mandela 

Rest in peace.

Snapshot

This blog is ten minutes old and I'm being told I'm not posting enough.

Supercallifragilistic -

- raphananadosis!

(Max learns about Greek history. And is utterly unsurprised).

Inspiring Interlude

R: What should we put in the description?

M: Musings!

R: NO.

M: Mindful musings!

R: I WILL CUT A BITCH. THAT BITCH WILL BE YOU.

M: I think I know what my first post will be!




But I got here first.